Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
