they need to just BURY HIM!
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
