It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
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