You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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