I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
