In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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