Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
