You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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