I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
