im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
