you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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