he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
