i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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