Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
