what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
