Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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