So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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