So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
