Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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