At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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