Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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