Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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