i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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