And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Randomize
