By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
