Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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