Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
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