i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize