Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
