in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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