I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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