Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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