with your own penis?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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