____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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