My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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