Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
