Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
this just has baby written all over it
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
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