you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
