Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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