no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
