What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
