i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
