Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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