So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
