you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
