You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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