My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize