you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
