my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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