"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
