Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I don't deserve a penis
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize
