you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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