Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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