I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
