It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
