The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
