How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
