It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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