you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
You were trust falling into bushes
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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