we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
