The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
