Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
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