i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize