I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
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