i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
