I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
