it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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