Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
