She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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