Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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