I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
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He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
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I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Im part way to drunk.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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