God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
