She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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